Charlie's Plan
by to-infinity
Summary: He said...That it's worse than opera."


After that extremely long break I forced you readers to endure, I have finally come up with an idea for that one-shot that I owe you for my short The Jacket prolouge. Well, I've got nothing really to say, so I'll just quit typing here now and let you enjoy (or suffer, depending on what you think) my writing.

Here's that promised oneshot. :D

**Charlie Bone belongs to Jenny Nimmo. 'My Evil Plan To Save The World' belongs to Five Iron Frenzy.**

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_Is it clear? _Charlie first thought was as he kept looking around the house. _Uncle Paton's visiting great-great-grandpa, Mom's at work, Maisie's visiting a friend, and Grandma Bone's off scheming somewhere with my other evil aunts._

To be absolutely, 100% sure, Charlie snuck quietly into each room, tip-toeing across the halls. Grandma Bone's, the closest to his, was empty; granted it still was an overly-cluttered mess, but it was empty. Uncle Paton's was hard to tell, since piles of paper's covered every surface, and books were stacked on the floor so they covered certain areas, but without disrupting anything, Charlie was almost certain there was no living presence in it. His mother and Maisie's were thankfully cleaner than the other two's and without even looking for long he could tell they were empty. Charlie couldn't help but throwing small little victory punches every time he saw that they were empty.

Next was the kitchen, the living room, and the bathrooms. Cautiously, Charlie looked under every desk, inside every closet, and heck, he even checked the kitchen drawers to be safe but only found a couple mice chewing rotten fruit. He grinned, then bound back up the stairs.

With trembling fingers, Charlie took out his most prized possession- except for his wand- or moth I suppose I should say- of course. His smile could nearly be called wicked as he plugged the small ipod into its speakers. The overwhelming excitement barely allowed him to select the correct song and he let out a very unmanly yelp when it came on. Literally squeaking with anticipation, the young Bone grabbed his barely used hairbrush and jumped onto the bed. The trumpets gave way to the singers voice.

_I have an evil plan to save the world for every man_

_And I think it's better than the way it's being run_

_Oh, the groundwork's laid _

_No, don't be afraid_

_I'm sure that I can fix it _

_When I figure out the physics_

Charlie was undeniably tone deaf.

Anyone could tell that, not that they would ever actually tell him though- Charlie was just to sweet of a boy to say that to without crushing his heart. As he sang the lyrics, his voice often croaked, cracked, or drifted to some kind of pitch that was worse than a dying whale. No matter for him though, he didn't have to hear it. He just jumped about on his bed, waving his brush around as a microphone and screaming his 12 year old lungs out.

_My evil plan to save the world_

_Just you wait till it's unfurled_

_It'll go down in history_

_It's prophetic_

_No, it's not pathetic_

_I can't believe I made it up myself_

Charlie was a stupid little child sometimes, and it usually ended up for worse than better. Not that being stupid is ever better, but in some cases, Charlie was just plainly, stupidly stupid. Especially today. He took great measures to make sure everyone was out of the house, yet he didn't even bother to lock, or even close for that matter, some of the windows and doors that let out all sounds in his home. So when poor little Benjamin Brown heard the sounds of screeching zombies as he walked outside, preparing Runner Bean for his own walk, he turned pale. Paler than normal. He raced back inside his house, and since his parents were currently on a case in Brazil, he got out the small black address book Charlie had given him for emergencies and called Fidelio.

"Hello?" The musician had answered, confused. "Who is this?"

"Oh Fidelio! It's Ben! And…and….it's terrible! Something's wrong at Charlie's house! I don't know what it is, but this horrible screaming is coming from inside it and I haven't got the least bit of knowledge as to what I should do, and I-"

"Woah, slow down buster. Charlie's in trouble?"

"Yes!" Benjamin cried, worried. "Can you please come check it out?" He tried to ignore Runner Bean's low, long whines to the horrible noise.

"Right." Fidelio answered. "Just stay put and I'll call for back up. Don't panic okay Ben? We'll be there soon."

"Hurry!" The boy answered.

And hurry he did. As fast as he could, Fidelio dialed up Olivia's number, who told Emma, who told Gabriel, who told Tancred, who told Lysander, who told the Onimous's and Billy, who was staying with them for the weekend. In about a minute, everyone was headed over to Filbert Street.

_I have an evil plan to save the world you understand_

_The exemplary feat, you'd think I'd have to cheat_

_I make Voltaire proud_

_Deep and furrow browed_

_Uncanny and so clever _

_It's the newest plan ever_

The whole group arrived at Ben's home, at an amazingly fast speed which for the sake of this storyline shall be left unknown. All of them winced as they came to the door of the dog lover's home. "Do we have a plan?" he asked weakly.

"I say we just waltz in there and stop the perpetrators!" exclaimed small Mr. Onimous.

Everyone looked at each other, and Tancred winced from the loud, unearthly sound. "I'm in, as long as this stuff stops." He growled. No one argued, feeling the winds rise just a little bit.

They all marched to Charlie's home.

_Got tired of whining_

_Got a screen with silver lining for every boy and girl_

_Can't be responsible for all that's wrong with this world_

Charlie still sang, unaware of anything that was going on. He attempted the rockstar slide, on his knees across the floor. He tugged at his black roots, shoving his hands all over his messy, untamable hair. He threw the brush, not noticing it land in his toilet across the hall. He only had ears, and eyes, for that ipod.

Meanwhile, the group arrived at his doorstep. ("OW! My head!" Lysander yelled as a rather large chestnut fell on top of his crown) Murmurs that were barely heard rang through the group, all thinking the same thing: How do we get in?

"There's a window." Tancred pointed out bluntly.

"Unless you want to pay for the damages, We should find another way." Lysander's normally calm voice screamed over the sound. "Anyone?"

"We could walk in?" Emma suggested, turning the knob on the door. "I don't supposed Charlie remembered to lock his door, huh?"

_My evil plan to save the world _

_Just you wait till it's unfurled_

_It'll go down in history_

_It's prophetic_

_No, it's not pathetic_

_I can't believe I made it up myself_

They walked into the house, some flinching as the noise- the horribly awful screeching- grow even louder. At first glance, nothing in the house was destroyed or damaged, leaving the group only curious to the noise. "Where's everyone?" Fidelio asked Ben, screaming over the sound.

"I don't- hey is that music?" He replied, confused.

Upon careful listening, everyone agreed that yes, indeed it was. Trumpets could be heard at the moment, combined with some other instruments that no one really felt like identifying. Gabriel said something.

"What?" Emma screamed back for everyone, since he was such a quiet speaker.

"I SAID WHERE"S CHARLIE?" He screamed, though in Olivia's opinion, it should hardly be called that, since it was barely any louder than she normally spoke.

Ben motioned them up the stairs pointing to one of the wooden door. 'Charlie's room' he mouthed.

_Starving children in pain_

_You can't believe in that god_

_The world's not spinning your way_

_Does every dog still have his way_

Olivia's eyebrows shot up, her mouth dropping. "Oh my-"

"What the hell?" Tancred interrupted, eyes bugging out. "Is that-"

Fidelio's eye twitched slightly as he peering into the quite frankly messy room through the half opened door way. "It can't be. Could it?"

Charlie was oblivious as every, not even seeing the group from inside his room since his eyes were closed. He picked up a random item- he was almost sure that it was his limited edition Flash action figure- and waved it over his head, still dancing off beat and singing in a strangely high-pitched voice. Adrenaline pumped through his veins as he leaped over a pile of dirty clothes onto his bed, bouncing onto his pillow. Charlie jumped on it repeatedly, still singing.

_My evil plan to save the world_

_Just you wait till it's unfurled_

_It'll go down in history _

_It's prophetic_

_No, it's not pathetic_

_I can't believe I made it up myself_

Lysander was the first one to snap out of the initial shock. Slowly, a grin crept it's way onto his face, mouth twitching slightly. Then it transformed into full on laughter. He clutched his stomach tightly with one hand, using the other to support himself against the hallway wall he was leaning on.

Not long after, the Onimous's started chuckling, Mrs. Onimous' sounding quite a bit like a neighing horse and Mr.'s sounding like 'fu fu fuu!' Then came the storm boy, followed by Fidelio, then Emma, and soon came the rest until at last Billy was on the brink of rolling around the floor laughing. Runner Bean just looked scared and whined pitifully.

_My evil plan to save the world_

_Just you wait till it's unfurled_

_It'll go down in history_

_It's prophetic_

_No, it's not pathetic_

_I can't believe I made it up_

_Myself_

_Yeah_

At the last note, Charlie opened his eyes, blinking for a few moments to adjust to the sudden presence of light. He walked over to the ipod, preparing to unplug it from the stereo system. As the song ended, the music got quieter and quieter, until his ears twitched at the sound of roaring laughter.

_Roaring Laughter? _He thought again.

Spinning around in a swift, completely clumsy free way, Charlie saw them. He dropped the ipod, barely noting as it clunked down onto the floor and felt a wave of nausea hit him, making him nearly pass out. He pressed a hand to his stomach to prevent the thought of throwing up.

"How…you guys…you-why…WHAT"RE YOU DOING HERE!?" He screamed, cheeks as red as ripened tomatoes.

At this, the children and Onimous's promptly broke out in new pelts of laughter. For a while, (no one really knew how long it was but be sure that Charlie would tell you it was long excruciating hours) the only sounds were laughter and snorting as the watchers all belted out chuckles and giggles and any other words associated with laughter. The singer just sat moodily on his bed, arms crossed, face still burning.

Runner barked a few times as everyone began to calm down, but whatever he had said sent the albino into a new fit of giggles. Everyone stared at him strangely. "You okay Billy?" Lysander asked worried.

Billy let out a strangled breath, and began breathing slowly to cease the fit. Eventually, he nodded. "Yeah," he wheezed out. "I'm fine."

"What'd he say?" Benjamin asked, always eager to know what his dog said. "Tell me!"

"He said…That it's worse than opera."

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There goes my one-shot-thingy that I had promised to make because my Gabriel story has a really, really short prologue. Thankfully, it's not as short as the one for Untitled. Anywho. This thing doesn't really have any point to it, at least not in my perspective, except I kind of picture the song being Charlie's theme, since he is pretty much saving all the endowed kids and whatnot. To tell you the truth, I whipped this baby up in about an hour, including the editing so…yeah. It's not very good, but I needed to get that out, and then get out the next addition to The Jacket. I'm thinking of doing a Harry Potter fic too….maybe?

R&R!

~tubs.

Word Count: 2047


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